Tag Archives: magic

Letting my Life Thread Flow

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life threads

Original artwork

This past June, during a meditation, I received a message from divinity to “Go with the flow.”  In the past months, I’m realizing more and more what this means for me.

I think I may be going through a kind of biological mating imperative lately.  My psyche sometimes fights a slightly crazed feeling of “Must mate, now!  Who’s next to try? Will it be you?”  I hate that feeling!  It is what it is, and I’m not constantly feeling it, thankfully.  I also wonder if part of the feeling comes from remnants from being married (i.e. mated) already, and wanting that seemingly steadfast bond with someone again.  Or, it could be those magical moments I had this summer that I just didn’t want to end.

But relationships are not constantly magical.  We are not living and breathing and pooping rainbows all the time.  For me, it wouldn’t be rainbows, but it would be starry nights or full moons.  I love that energy, I love the ethereal connection I had, but there’s also the other parts of ourselves we need to consider.  We are not completely astral, and if we were, things would be so much easier.  We need to work and learn and feed ourselves.  Our teeth chip or our cars which spew ick into the air may break down, but we are tied to these earthly things.  We are not completely pure and evolved, either.  We have jealousy, or feelings of abandonment.  We (well, I; speaking for myself, here, but assuming I’m not the only one) are all dealing with these things in waves.

After those wonderfully magical experiences I had in June, the mundane issues came back.  My life thread wants to bond and mate, but that’s not necessarily healthy, it’s like ‘Chill out, life thread!’  The other person I was involved with- that my life thread sought- isn’t ready for that and is sifting through his own issues.  And I’ve come to realize that while my soul was seeking his, he’s not really seeking mine back, that I can tell (unless I’m totally oblivious to something or too impatient to wait for the signs).

I tried seeking other life threads through online dating.  What a weird mental space that is!  It’s like you’re shopping for other people, and they’re shopping for people, of whom you’re one of the commodities as well.  Then you start connecting with someone, but it’s not truly connecting, or you think you do and it was a lie, ugh it’s so shallow and strange.  Just strange!  I’ve been on a few dates, and that concept of “Go with the flow” is back.  No need for anything immediate to happen.

I’m cutting off that internet dating thing this weekend, as school’s about to start again.  The whole arena kindof turns my stomach anyway, but I’ve met a few people and had some wonderful conversations in the process.  We’ll see how it goes, no magical connections, but can you expect to constantly have magical connections?  I wish!  It’s a rare thing.  (Update from 8/14:  just had a second date with a guy I met internet dating and I stand corrected, I just had a wonderful, magical time with him!)

Go with the flow; it’s all about developing your own enjoyment of life independent of anything else.  Being open to opportunities as they arise, keeping an open mind and heart, but not tying your own heart down or anchoring it to one possibility.  That last bit is what I’ve been struggling with this summer.  And I think I’m getting there, and becoming really comfortable with just being me right now.  Developing and strengthening my own life thread, putting life and color into it, and weaving it wherever I want to weave it.

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A Magical Midsummer’s Night

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I want to tell you about the most magical night of my life.  It is so rare to experience it, and it was so wonderful, that I want to share it with you.

moonlight through tipi smokehole

Looking up through the tipi smokehole, I didn’t actually see the moon; we had to go out of the tipi to see it. But the moon’s energy was definately suffusing everything we did. Our chants and music making was magical and honored the divine.

Recently, I went camping with a group of pagans for Litha, which is the midsummer sabbat.  I have attended many rituals and most of them have been lovely.  I have bonded with a good group of friends and meditated with them.  However, none of those wonderful, lovely times compare with this particular time.  This one tops them all in the way the group jived and grooved with each other, and how we worshiped the divine together.

I think the astounding magical time we had bubbled and frothed and expanded from several ingredients.  First of all, not only was it Litha, it was also the full moon, and supposedly a moon that appeared closer to Earth than at other times during the year.  Second of all, everyone there have good heads on their shoulders, are relatively sane and smart, and are overall good people.

This was in the mountains of Colorado, and it was a particularly beautiful summer day, with meadow flowers blooming, everything green, and yellow swallowtail butterflies flittering about.  I arrived mid-day and greeted the people there.  The adults were hanging out and chatting, and the kids were running around and playing.  I set up my tent, and though I had very little to carry in from my car, the priest (I think of him as a good ol’ boy nice grandpa type) got the kids to help me carry my stuff in.  So nice.  He also helped me put it up even though I had thought I could do it on my own.  (It was also nice that he didn’t come in to help until I really needed it!)

Anyway, I had brought my hula hoops, and after hanging out a bit chatting with people, I took them out and shared a hoop with a new friend.  We hula hooped a while, with much heckling from Gramps.  Though the heckling didn’t seem to bother my new friend, much.

A little while later, I was invited to help plan for the ritual.  We all agreed pretty readily on things and it went pretty quickly; our priestess (who is a lovely lady) had already planned out most of it, and still asked for our input on various aspects.  One lady there volunteered to organize the kids in gathering items for the altar to symbolize the elements, as well as pencils and tags.  I volunteered to welcome Mother Gaia.  Another guy volunteered to welcome the Oak King and Holly King.  And others volunteered to ‘call in’ the elements. There were more roles and planning and details to be ironed out, and in about half an hour, we were done.

After the planning session, the priestess and I got chili going.  She had all the ingredients ready; I helped her open cans and dump in the beans and her other ingredients, and we took turns stirring and keeping the cooker going.  I’d hula hoop, stir, sit and chat, stir, hula hoop, and so on, until it was done.  I felt quite witchy (double double toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble) stirring the pot, and quite fairy-like while hooping.  As we cooked the food, more and more people came and in the end, we had about 20 people and about 5 kids.

We ate the yummy chili, with cheese and sour cream and pitas or chips, and hung out and chatted.  (Much chatting to be had at this event, not unusual for a pagan event!)

Then we gathered in a small little meadow for our ritual.  I won’t go into the ritual too much, ‘cuz my point here isn’t to educate you all about rituals, but I want to come to the point of what was magical and wondrous about it.  A little perk for me was that a guy I consider sexy and cute stood next to me.  He’s taken though, so I won’t pursue it, but it was still a perk.  The group energy was soft and loving, everyone appreciating each other and finding each other special and precious.  Everyone was relaxed and and most were smiling  at least  Mona Lisa smiles, some more, and some less.  Everything went pretty smoothly and everything we said, we meant.  We held hands and some hugged.  It was overall just lovely.  Someone also called Pan into the circle, and as it happens, we forgot to say goodbye to Pan at the end.  I believe that’s another lovely element to the magical times that ensued afterwards.

After a little break, we started gathering in a tipi that someone had brought and set up.  The man and woman who owned the tipi were just lovely people, the types you meet and are instantly showered by their peaceful love, and you just know they love just about everyone they meet.  I had brought my drum (which is a djembe, an African drum), my water, and a thick hoodie to the tipi.  Another guy I had just met who has a lovely peaceful energy and I were first in the tipi.  We drummed and chatted as more people came in.  He had brought a didgeridoo. More and more people filtered in until we had about 15 people in there, and it had a fire pit in the middle and a hole in top of the tipi for the smoke.  We were a little bit crowded, but it was cozy.  We sang and chanted and drummed and at first it was like other drum circles I’ve been in – getting some good rhythms going.  Then it evolved into something unexplainable.

The group energy became one and we tranced and worshipped the divine as one.  It was like we were transported as a group to another plane of reality, among the stars.  I have never experienced anything like that while chanting or drumming before.  Well, not quite like that.  I have felt like I have ‘touched’ the divine while dancing.  But nothing like this.  It was beautiful.  We hummed and made noises and sang and did whatever we felt called to do to contribute to the music, and it was just out of this world.

The priest and priestess were a little distance away, deep in discussion as they sometimes get, discussing business of the group, when they heard the sound of our magic-making.  They were drawn to the tipi, so they tabled their discussion for another time, and joined us.  The priestess especially joined in and started some other chants she knew.  Then she said “We’ve got to go out and sing to the moon!”  So everyone filtered out and stared and loved at and sang to the moon.  I was drawn to the side in a conversation with someone as this was happening.  Some of the group went off… and came back naked.  I just had to laugh.  They had become “skyclad” for the moon and were full of moon energy.  It was lovely.  But it was cold out!  I have no idea whether I would have stripped down if I had been with them- maybe a little but not quite so much- I don’t like being cold!

They went back into the tipi and I excused myself from the conversation and joined them.  We all drummed and sang some more, and I joined in their nakedness by stripping off my top.  The energy of everyone was very respectful and loving, no ‘meat market’ feel at all; it was just beautiful.  People singing to each other “We honor you, we  empower you to be what you are… I am a strong woman, I am a story woman, I am a healer, my soul will never die; We honor you we empower you to be what you are; I am a strong man, I am a loving man, I am a warrior, my soul will never die…We are an old people, we are a new people, we are the same people stronger than before…”  and then we settled down and the priestess started singing a song about Inanna that I remembered learning when I lived in Iowa.  We started singing it together… when someone fell face first in the fire because he was … drunk and sleepy.  He was O.K. though, people around him caught him in time and escorted him to his tent.  That kinda killed the vibe (!) which was alright; so we all filtered out.  Some went to bed, and some of us gathered on the way to our tents to sing some more with each other.

This time we sang more ‘mundane’ pop culture songs:  the owner of the tipi who was also Rainbow gathering person told us about Rainbow gatherings, (which started out of singing Rocky Mountain High by John Denver, which apparently was about the first Rainbow gathering), and we sang all sorts of other songs together.  It felt like we were all brothers and sisters and one with the trees, stars and moon.

Finally, I went to my tent and sleeping bag.  After that came a fitful sleep of trying to stay warm (lesson learned, bring warm things even in the summertime when camping), and a morning of coffee, some healthy dried fruit and packing up the tent, eventually to drive back home.  As usual, the magic vibe stayed with me strongly at first, and now remains as a beautiful memory.  I am so blessed to have experienced this in a group of lovely people.  I hope this story shares some of the beauty with you and blesses you, too.

Being Happy or Being Fickle: Flying

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flying dream

Original Artwork

Last weekend, I had another magical dream, again at my boyfriend’s house.  For about a month, I’ve been experiencing a major funk, and that weekend, I had reached a peak in that funk.  I think it was a culmination of The Change messing with my emotions, and being unsatisfied (to put it mildly) about many things in my life currently, mostly my job.

Logically, I knew I had many things to be happy about.  My emotions didn’t match that.  Hence the funk.  Then, that Friday  or Saturday night, I had a dream in which I flew.  It’s the first dream that I’ve ever had in which I’ve flown, and it was fantastic.  It started out that I just had to kindof get parallel with the earth and flap my arms a bit, and believe that I could fly.  Then once I got my flying mojo on, I swooped up.  As I swooped, I felt exhilarated, the happiest feeling in my life.  I was just overcome with joy to be alive and that’s what swept me up, a’ la Peter Pan style.

After a few swoops, I swooped up a tree and came to the top branches.  It was full summertime and everything was green.  I opened the branches and there was a wooden platform in the tree, with a little chest.  I opened the chest and dropped in some precious stones.  It was some kind of offering to the tree- a thankfulness that I had discovered flying and could get up there in the first place.  Then I flew down again.  Somehow while being up there a branch had become stuck in  my t-shirt.  I discovered it when I landed- it was little rose wand of thorns.  On the end of the wand were natural knobs that formed a cat’s face.

Since then, messages (posts on Facebook, on a poster in a classroom, in songs I hear, in TV shows) have been popping out to me regarding living life to the fullest, taking risks, and living your dreams.  Clearly, I should be enjoying the life I have as it is now.  And, I need to take the risks needed to live my life to the fullest in order to get away from the things that are frustrating me, and not be scared or unsure of my own skills.  I have a wonderful sweet boyfriend who has the tenderest heart, the smartest mind and who wants nothing but the best for me.  Besides which he’s a cutie with sexy legs and meltable eyes!  What more could I ask for?  This past week, my heart has re-melted for him and joined my logical brain in loving him.  I’ve also come to enjoy teaching again, despite the chaos of the last week.  I’ve rediscovered my inner drive to be the best teacher I can be.  That doesn’t mean that this week hasn’t made me tired- it has.  But I’ve been so much happier.

Fickleness happens.  Unstable emotions happen, especially during The Change.  It’s up to the logical mind to see things the way they should be.  Then it’s up to you to work on your heart to make it match your logical mind.  With the help of Black Cohosh and the willingness of my heart, I believe I’ve succeeded this week!  I do hope that this genuine love of life and the wonderful things in my life continues.

Sitting in a Clay Fetish Bowl- a Dream

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I dreamed this dream while sleeping at my boyfriend’s house, two months ago.  After dreaming it, I sent this message to the two other women involved in the dream.  For the sake of their anonymity, their names have been replaced with Dancer and Horse Woman. This is what I typed to them:

fetish bowl dream

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I received from someone (as if being smudged for ritual) a lump of gray clay, already formed into a 1/2 inch thick disk. I tried to work it and it was stiff and hard to work. Several feet away, Dancer prepared the place for ritual by working deftly with the clay, flattening it and making it into a large bowl. Although I never saw myself giving you (Dancer) the clay, my impression was that those involved each brought some clay that contributed to the bowl. Then, as dreams do, time skipped and the three of us sat *in* the bowl. The bowl was hard and secure, and the night sky sparkled above us. I get the impression of a fire but didn’t see one. Dancer, I get the impression that you were leading in the ritual and that Horse Woman and I were hanging out on your invitation.   Horse Woman turned to me and told me with an air of anticipation of something rare that she was going to get a “natural tattoo” from Dancer and I got the impression that this tattoo was ‘natural’ in the sense of ‘magic in nature.’  Time passed as it does and doesn’t when you’re in a magical space, and Horse Woman turned into a crow. My arm was stretched out along the bowl as if my arm had been around your shoulders before you changed, and you (Horse Woman as the crow) love-nipped my hand. At first I reacted as if bit and then I realized it was a love bite, as in “you’re my friend.” I got the impression that you, Horse Woman, as the crow, were still just hanging out in ritual space, and had decided to hang out as crow. Then I woke up, before the ritual was finished, but I have the feeling that I woke up at the time I was meant to.

As it happens, I’m spending some nights at my boyfriend’s house. He lives with two roomates and we are all either new age or pagan inclined. His roomates have a book which drew me to it the next morning after the dream. It’s called Animal Speak by Ted Andrews. As I always do when encountering a new pagany/new agey book, I browsed it to see if what he said jived with my experience, and it did, so I came to trust what he said in the book. It looks like he draws from many different cultures for the book, with a Native American focus. If you know the book, I would appreciate your impressions of it as well. As I looked in the sections on birds, he described ‘fetish bowls.’ He explained that inside the (clay) bowl is ‘unmanifest’ as in the things unseen and outside the bowl is ‘manifest.’ It’s a way to commune or call to your spirit animals; put fetishes that represent your spirit animal in the bowl along with other items that can charge the fetishes while not in use, and when you take it out of the bowl, you are making the unmanifest, manifest; you are calling to the spirit of the animal.

I started to read up on crows but didn’t get far. I already know some things about crows and will investigate further.

The meaning I got from the dream was that, at least for myself, I need to manifest myself as a magical being and live in spirit daily. I also feel blessed after the dream as if already having been part of a ritual with you  even though it may have only been my own experience and not shared. I feel like I already am living as a magical being (and my awareness has been brought to this fact after the dream) and like I have been charged up like a crystal has been charged by the moon’s energies (though I don’t feel charged specifically by the moon, but by spirit guides).

The spirit animals that accompany me are monkeys. If you are interested I could tell you more about that. They didn’t come forth in the dream as “manifest” but they are always with me. They just weren’t represented in the dream. Perhaps the crow is calling to me, or perhaps it represents or accompanies Horse Woman.

Anyway, I would appreciate it if you let me know how this dream strikes you, and your own takes on it, especially if you got any messages for yourselves. At the very least, Horse Woman, meet Dancer, and Dancer, meet Horse Woman.

May the powers that be all around us bless you.