Category Archives: Dreams

A recording of dreams I find especially magical

Apr26

Gone Walkabout

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Original artwork by author

Since December of 2018, my husband and I had a housemate living downstairs. My husband had several housemates before I moved in and we’ve had several after. We like helping others, and we have extra rooms, so why not?

This particular housemate was a friend of my husband’s, and all was great for many months. She was generally happy, creative, quirky, like a fairy embodied in a human being, who also liked death metal.

Last month, this housemate passed away. My husband found her in her room. We had exchanged pleasantries two days before, and we had heard signs of life one day before. Then … silence, so my husband checked on her. This disappearing thing wasn’t uncommon; sometimes she’d sink into a depression, or her body hurt, and often she would sleep in her room off and on for days, surfacing for a bit of food.

She had started being unstable around us during the holidays last year- maybe even before that. She was in her own world, and in her own struggle. We tried to help her in many ways. She was often sad, and it wouldn’t have been surprising if she wanted to leave this life.*

That said, our hearts ache for the positive aspects we came to know: her odd sense of humor, and her devil-may-care attitude, sporting her bright pink or glittery pants and colorful clothes as she went for a walk, literally dancing to her own tune. She often hummed to herself and jiggled her hips, an echo of former belly dancing days, as she stood by her sewing area. She nerded out on computer programming with my husband, talking in a language that I barely understand but respect. She vibrated life from her being in a unique way.

What I probably admire the most about her is that she strived to be the best person she could. She posted Buddhist sayings, helping her to remember that we are all in our own struggle, not to judge others, and to let go of expectations. She turned my husband on to Harville Hendrix, a relationship guru whose advice he and I now follow. And though we had our differences, she had wanted to make amends.

It pains my heart to think of the sadness she must have felt, and that no human could give her the healing or support she needed. In the end, I’m guessing the struggle was too much.* I also miss her, which has been hard for me to admit.

Sometime last week, I dreamed that she popped by from a walkabout to get a pair of jeans. My husband and I looked up from whatever we were working on and said casual hellos. Then she went on her way. Everything seemed as normal, like she was before her struggles had surfaced: happy, radiating sunshine, ponytail swinging. A day or two later, my husband had a dream about her, taking a casual walk in the neighborhood with her.

I like to think that’s what she’s doing: a walkabout, and that she’s on her next spiritual journey, encountering wisdom and adventures on the way.

*Update three months after this was written: we just found out from a family member that the coroner told her that our housemate died from a stroke. This is a relief in a way, that she hadn’t necessarily intended to pass on, but it is still sad.

Oct12

A Dream: Samurai Clock

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samurai clock

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Last night I had a dream.  I’m going to send this dream to a friend of mine.  So, this blog is written to him.

Hey! Long time no see. I know you’ve had huge changes in your life.  We don’t know each other well so this message might seem a little odd, but I had a dream about you last night!  It seems to me like a magical, meaningful dream.  You can let me know if it has any meaning for your life.

In the dream, my husband and I had been staying at some kind of retreat.  I think we had been staying in a cabin, but those details weren’t important in the dream.  During the retreat, you and I had each made half of a Samurai clock, and my husband had made something similar but his was whole.  You and I had made our halves separately. The making of it wasn’t important in the dream, just the fact that I had half, and you had half.

The Samurai clock was a figurine that could be held in the hand, it was that small.  It was black and white glazed ceramic.  It stood, feet apart, and arms stretched out like wings.  I can’t remember what the head looked like at all.  What stands out the most to me were the wing like arms, like an almost hug, a feeling of security.  The clock: I don’t know why it’s important that it’s a clock, somehow it tells time but I didn’t see any clock face on it, and it’s made completely out of ceramic.

I only “know” you (not that well) through pagan festivals.  You were always awake with a few others in the morning, giving out hugs.  Your hugs were always warm and loving.  I always thought of you like a brother.  Like, that’s the kind of bond we have without really knowing each other, you’re like my brother.  That’s the same feeling I had in this dream.

In the dream, my husband and I had packed up and were ready to leave, and were making our goodbyes.  I looked at my half of the samurai clock.  I felt like I knew I should give my half to you, but that I wanted to keep it, with the feeling of ‘my precious’ about it.  But I quickly overcame that and just knew I should give it to you.

Now here’s what makes this dream seem magical to me, this next part, for some reason.  My husband and I entered your tent.  Your tent was made of canvas, shaped like a yurt, and it was big and spacious.  It had some kind of thick green carpet for the floor, and you had various things around like oil lamps and food stores, and it looked cozy.  Also, the sun shone in, as if you had skylights, but your tent didn’t have windows or holes- it was just sunshiny inside your tent.  In the dream, you were planning to stay at the retreat, in your tent, for at least a year.  Like, that’s where your life had led you, to this point. (I feel like that’s important.)

I handed the other half of the Samurai clock to you.  The pieces fit together and it’s like it magically came into place, so that it was whole.  You held it, and I spoke to you: “It seems like living in your tent will feel isolating and lonely.”  You nodded and said you’d felt that last night.  I went on to say something like the Samurai clock would help you when you feel isolated and lonely.

And that’s it!  That’s the dream.  I feel like the tent, the samurai clock, and my words to you have importance.  I have no idea why.  If this dream is true, and you’ll be metaphorically living in a tent on your own for the foreseeable future, take heart, and know you have a tribe and bonds with people.

I’m posting this to my blog, in case the dream helps others, too!

Feb23

BooYah! I’ve Got the Powah!

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Original Artwork

Original Artwork

I just woke up from an empowering dream.  In it, I confronted my ex-husband (my more recent ex– I have two exes, which is not so fun to admit).  It felt so good.  As I woke up, though, while basking in the feeling, I realized that what I had said to him in the dream wasn’t completely true.  It would just be wonderful if it was.  Instead, a lesson waited for me to discover it.

In this dream, while not painting my ex as a monster, it wasn’t him at his best, either.  First of all, he had the bad version of the Simon Le Bon (from Duran-Duran) hairstyle:  longer hair sticking up in front, short sides, long to the nape of the neck- an 80’s mullet.  In real life, I’m guessing he would never have had that hair.  Who knows though, maybe I was being psychic.  I haven’t seen him since he moved out from where we lived in 2009, five years ago.

In the dream, we lived in a large house and I had just recently separated from him, though for some reason I was still in the house. He had two ‘Gal-pals’ who were working for him.  While I was in the dream, I didn’t know or care if they were being paid, but I knew they were his lovers in some capacity, though using the word ‘love’ for what was going on is an insult to the word.  And I’m not saying that because there were two of them, just to be clear.  They seemed completely content, but unaware of their true situation.  (And by the way, as far as I know, him being poly is also out of character for him. I think he could get people to do things for him, but this whole thing was too unsavory even for him.  Maybe I’m giving him too much credit, though, who knows.  I suspect that there were things going on while we were married, of which I was unaware.) So… I really have no idea what that symbolism is about!

Anyway, to get to the confrontation– the ‘juicy part’ of the dream.  He said, “Since I no longer have your obedience,…” (which is something he never would have articulated) and I interrupted (which is not like me) and said “You NEVER had my obedience!”  I have a feeling I ranted at him some more after that, but I don’t remember what I said exactly.  Upon waking, though, after thinking about it, I have to admit that he did have my obedience.   There were many things he did that got under my skin, but I never told him about it.  Though, I wasn’t his little servant, to be clear.  I had my own life and opinions.

Mercury’s in retrograde, which is a wonderful time to think back on past issues and resolve them.  To explain my pagany jargon to those not in on the lingo, in astrology, Mercury influences communication, clear thought, and transportation.  I would personally include technology in with Mercury’s influence.  My theory on including technology in Mercury’s influence is *because* we use technology for communication and transportation, much of the time.  Mercury’s orbit appears to move forward, then backward, then forward, then backward, and moves quickly. This is because when Mercury passes our Earth, our own orbit’s speed makes it seem like Mercury is moving backward.  From astrologers’ (and many pagans’) point of view, this causes communication breakdowns and misunderstandings, transportation issues, and technology to have fits.  It’s like this cosmic force *wants* us to stay home and not communicate a lot with others, because it’s time to go backwards ourselves in time; to reminisce, to delve into what makes us tick, or doesn’t make us tick.

So, this morning I feel great, because I’m doing just that: delving- but I’m also thinking how I can be more assertive in the future. This is an ongoing issue with me- to speak up, especially to close friends and lovers.  As I lay awake thinking of all this, I remembered how my Swedish culture and his American culture conflicted.  Americans are much more lax about greetings.  When someone comes home, in my experience, most people are like ‘eh you’re home.’  In my family, when we visit each other, or if we live together and one person has been gone on a trip and comes home, we always greet each other with a hug.  With my cousins in Sweden, whom we don’t know as well, we shake hands as we enter their home.  This has an underlying message (in my mind) of “You are important to me.  Important enough to greet you in this special way as you enter my home.”  Now, I want to be clear that in my experience with pagans, they are the same way: we often greet each other with a hug.  Most Americans I know (among the muggles) don’t really do this.  You might get a ‘Hi,’ as you walk in from someone sitting on a couch, who continues watching TV (and you might or might not get this ‘Hi’ accompanied with eye contact), and you might on rarer occasions actually have someone greet you at the door, but even then, it’s usually very casual and nothing too special.

I’ve been offended by that behavior in the past, but lately I’ve realized that this is not carrying a message of “You’re not important to me, I really don’t care whether or not you’re here;” it’s really carrying a message of “Come on in, make yourself at home.”  That ‘make yourself at home’ is truly an American concept.  Many of my friends take this literally- you serve yourself, you go into their cupboards and find yourself a glass and fill it with water yourself, and so on.  This is SO not a Swedish concept.

Anyway, this got under my skin in a big way when I was married to my ex.  He wouldn’t greet my friends at the door, he didn’t even show that he wanted to know who they were.  Now that is probably rude, also, in American culture- but that’s just my guess.  I felt offended for my friends’ sake, though I don’t know how they felt.  At that time, I should have made my friend comfortable, then gone down to the basement (where my husband seemed to love being) and told him, gently but assertively, that I wanted him to greet my friends.  I wanted him to get up off his lazy (or shy?) ass and walk his legs up the stairs and say ‘Hi. I’m (name).  What’s your name?’ and chat just a wee bit, before sinking back into his man cave.

This blog isn’t meant to rant about my ex- but my point is I should have spoken up.  I should have stood strong and respected my own feelings about soooo many things that irked me.  And the lesson I’m taking from this is to speak up about things that bother me with my current boyfriend and friends.

In my current relationship, I have been doing this, a little bit.  I really should do it more.  And the fact that I’m releasing myself to express myself more freely makes me feel strong!  I’ve got the powah!  BooYah!

Mar17

Being Happy or Being Fickle: Flying

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flying dream

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Last weekend, I had another magical dream, again at my boyfriend’s house.  For about a month, I’ve been experiencing a major funk, and that weekend, I had reached a peak in that funk.  I think it was a culmination of The Change messing with my emotions, and being unsatisfied (to put it mildly) about many things in my life currently, mostly my job.

Logically, I knew I had many things to be happy about.  My emotions didn’t match that.  Hence the funk.  Then, that Friday  or Saturday night, I had a dream in which I flew.  It’s the first dream that I’ve ever had in which I’ve flown, and it was fantastic.  It started out that I just had to kindof get parallel with the earth and flap my arms a bit, and believe that I could fly.  Then once I got my flying mojo on, I swooped up.  As I swooped, I felt exhilarated, the happiest feeling in my life.  I was just overcome with joy to be alive and that’s what swept me up, a’ la Peter Pan style.

After a few swoops, I swooped up a tree and came to the top branches.  It was full summertime and everything was green.  I opened the branches and there was a wooden platform in the tree, with a little chest.  I opened the chest and dropped in some precious stones.  It was some kind of offering to the tree- a thankfulness that I had discovered flying and could get up there in the first place.  Then I flew down again.  Somehow while being up there a branch had become stuck in  my t-shirt.  I discovered it when I landed- it was little rose wand of thorns.  On the end of the wand were natural knobs that formed a cat’s face.

Since then, messages (posts on Facebook, on a poster in a classroom, in songs I hear, in TV shows) have been popping out to me regarding living life to the fullest, taking risks, and living your dreams.  Clearly, I should be enjoying the life I have as it is now.  And, I need to take the risks needed to live my life to the fullest in order to get away from the things that are frustrating me, and not be scared or unsure of my own skills.  I have a wonderful sweet boyfriend who has the tenderest heart, the smartest mind and who wants nothing but the best for me.  Besides which he’s a cutie with sexy legs and meltable eyes!  What more could I ask for?  This past week, my heart has re-melted for him and joined my logical brain in loving him.  I’ve also come to enjoy teaching again, despite the chaos of the last week.  I’ve rediscovered my inner drive to be the best teacher I can be.  That doesn’t mean that this week hasn’t made me tired- it has.  But I’ve been so much happier.

Fickleness happens.  Unstable emotions happen, especially during The Change.  It’s up to the logical mind to see things the way they should be.  Then it’s up to you to work on your heart to make it match your logical mind.  With the help of Black Cohosh and the willingness of my heart, I believe I’ve succeeded this week!  I do hope that this genuine love of life and the wonderful things in my life continues.

Mar3

Sitting in a Clay Fetish Bowl- a Dream

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I dreamed this dream while sleeping at my boyfriend’s house, two months ago.  After dreaming it, I sent this message to the two other women involved in the dream.  For the sake of their anonymity, their names have been replaced with Dancer and Horse Woman. This is what I typed to them:

fetish bowl dream

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I received from someone (as if being smudged for ritual) a lump of gray clay, already formed into a 1/2 inch thick disk. I tried to work it and it was stiff and hard to work. Several feet away, Dancer prepared the place for ritual by working deftly with the clay, flattening it and making it into a large bowl. Although I never saw myself giving you (Dancer) the clay, my impression was that those involved each brought some clay that contributed to the bowl. Then, as dreams do, time skipped and the three of us sat *in* the bowl. The bowl was hard and secure, and the night sky sparkled above us. I get the impression of a fire but didn’t see one. Dancer, I get the impression that you were leading in the ritual and that Horse Woman and I were hanging out on your invitation.   Horse Woman turned to me and told me with an air of anticipation of something rare that she was going to get a “natural tattoo” from Dancer and I got the impression that this tattoo was ‘natural’ in the sense of ‘magic in nature.’  Time passed as it does and doesn’t when you’re in a magical space, and Horse Woman turned into a crow. My arm was stretched out along the bowl as if my arm had been around your shoulders before you changed, and you (Horse Woman as the crow) love-nipped my hand. At first I reacted as if bit and then I realized it was a love bite, as in “you’re my friend.” I got the impression that you, Horse Woman, as the crow, were still just hanging out in ritual space, and had decided to hang out as crow. Then I woke up, before the ritual was finished, but I have the feeling that I woke up at the time I was meant to.

As it happens, I’m spending some nights at my boyfriend’s house. He lives with two roomates and we are all either new age or pagan inclined. His roomates have a book which drew me to it the next morning after the dream. It’s called Animal Speak by Ted Andrews. As I always do when encountering a new pagany/new agey book, I browsed it to see if what he said jived with my experience, and it did, so I came to trust what he said in the book. It looks like he draws from many different cultures for the book, with a Native American focus. If you know the book, I would appreciate your impressions of it as well. As I looked in the sections on birds, he described ‘fetish bowls.’ He explained that inside the (clay) bowl is ‘unmanifest’ as in the things unseen and outside the bowl is ‘manifest.’ It’s a way to commune or call to your spirit animals; put fetishes that represent your spirit animal in the bowl along with other items that can charge the fetishes while not in use, and when you take it out of the bowl, you are making the unmanifest, manifest; you are calling to the spirit of the animal.

I started to read up on crows but didn’t get far. I already know some things about crows and will investigate further.

The meaning I got from the dream was that, at least for myself, I need to manifest myself as a magical being and live in spirit daily. I also feel blessed after the dream as if already having been part of a ritual with you  even though it may have only been my own experience and not shared. I feel like I already am living as a magical being (and my awareness has been brought to this fact after the dream) and like I have been charged up like a crystal has been charged by the moon’s energies (though I don’t feel charged specifically by the moon, but by spirit guides).

The spirit animals that accompany me are monkeys. If you are interested I could tell you more about that. They didn’t come forth in the dream as “manifest” but they are always with me. They just weren’t represented in the dream. Perhaps the crow is calling to me, or perhaps it represents or accompanies Horse Woman.

Anyway, I would appreciate it if you let me know how this dream strikes you, and your own takes on it, especially if you got any messages for yourselves. At the very least, Horse Woman, meet Dancer, and Dancer, meet Horse Woman.

May the powers that be all around us bless you.