I just woke up from an empowering dream. In it, I confronted my ex-husband (my more recent ex– I have two exes, which is not so fun to admit). It felt so good. As I woke up, though, while basking in the feeling, I realized that what I had said to him in the dream wasn’t completely true. It would just be wonderful if it was. Instead, a lesson waited for me to discover it.
In this dream, while not painting my ex as a monster, it wasn’t him at his best, either. First of all, he had the bad version of the Simon Le Bon (from Duran-Duran) hairstyle: longer hair sticking up in front, short sides, long to the nape of the neck- an 80’s mullet. In real life, I’m guessing he would never have had that hair. Who knows though, maybe I was being psychic. I haven’t seen him since he moved out from where we lived in 2009, five years ago.
In the dream, we lived in a large house and I had just recently separated from him, though for some reason I was still in the house. He had two ‘Gal-pals’ who were working for him. While I was in the dream, I didn’t know or care if they were being paid, but I knew they were his lovers in some capacity, though using the word ‘love’ for what was going on is an insult to the word. And I’m not saying that because there were two of them, just to be clear. They seemed completely content, but unaware of their true situation. (And by the way, as far as I know, him being poly is also out of character for him. I think he could get people to do things for him, but this whole thing was too unsavory even for him. Maybe I’m giving him too much credit, though, who knows. I suspect that there were things going on while we were married, of which I was unaware.) So… I really have no idea what that symbolism is about!
Anyway, to get to the confrontation– the ‘juicy part’ of the dream. He said, “Since I no longer have your obedience,…” (which is something he never would have articulated) and I interrupted (which is not like me) and said “You NEVER had my obedience!” I have a feeling I ranted at him some more after that, but I don’t remember what I said exactly. Upon waking, though, after thinking about it, I have to admit that he did have my obedience. There were many things he did that got under my skin, but I never told him about it. Though, I wasn’t his little servant, to be clear. I had my own life and opinions.
Mercury’s in retrograde, which is a wonderful time to think back on past issues and resolve them. To explain my pagany jargon to those not in on the lingo, in astrology, Mercury influences communication, clear thought, and transportation. I would personally include technology in with Mercury’s influence. My theory on including technology in Mercury’s influence is *because* we use technology for communication and transportation, much of the time. Mercury’s orbit appears to move forward, then backward, then forward, then backward, and moves quickly. This is because when Mercury passes our Earth, our own orbit’s speed makes it seem like Mercury is moving backward. From astrologers’ (and many pagans’) point of view, this causes communication breakdowns and misunderstandings, transportation issues, and technology to have fits. It’s like this cosmic force *wants* us to stay home and not communicate a lot with others, because it’s time to go backwards ourselves in time; to reminisce, to delve into what makes us tick, or doesn’t make us tick.
So, this morning I feel great, because I’m doing just that: delving- but I’m also thinking how I can be more assertive in the future. This is an ongoing issue with me- to speak up, especially to close friends and lovers. As I lay awake thinking of all this, I remembered how my Swedish culture and his American culture conflicted. Americans are much more lax about greetings. When someone comes home, in my experience, most people are like ‘eh you’re home.’ In my family, when we visit each other, or if we live together and one person has been gone on a trip and comes home, we always greet each other with a hug. With my cousins in Sweden, whom we don’t know as well, we shake hands as we enter their home. This has an underlying message (in my mind) of “You are important to me. Important enough to greet you in this special way as you enter my home.” Now, I want to be clear that in my experience with pagans, they are the same way: we often greet each other with a hug. Most Americans I know (among the muggles) don’t really do this. You might get a ‘Hi,’ as you walk in from someone sitting on a couch, who continues watching TV (and you might or might not get this ‘Hi’ accompanied with eye contact), and you might on rarer occasions actually have someone greet you at the door, but even then, it’s usually very casual and nothing too special.
I’ve been offended by that behavior in the past, but lately I’ve realized that this is not carrying a message of “You’re not important to me, I really don’t care whether or not you’re here;” it’s really carrying a message of “Come on in, make yourself at home.” That ‘make yourself at home’ is truly an American concept. Many of my friends take this literally- you serve yourself, you go into their cupboards and find yourself a glass and fill it with water yourself, and so on. This is SO not a Swedish concept.
Anyway, this got under my skin in a big way when I was married to my ex. He wouldn’t greet my friends at the door, he didn’t even show that he wanted to know who they were. Now that is probably rude, also, in American culture- but that’s just my guess. I felt offended for my friends’ sake, though I don’t know how they felt. At that time, I should have made my friend comfortable, then gone down to the basement (where my husband seemed to love being) and told him, gently but assertively, that I wanted him to greet my friends. I wanted him to get up off his lazy (or shy?) ass and walk his legs up the stairs and say ‘Hi. I’m (name). What’s your name?’ and chat just a wee bit, before sinking back into his man cave.
This blog isn’t meant to rant about my ex- but my point is I should have spoken up. I should have stood strong and respected my own feelings about soooo many things that irked me. And the lesson I’m taking from this is to speak up about things that bother me with my current boyfriend and friends.
In my current relationship, I have been doing this, a little bit. I really should do it more. And the fact that I’m releasing myself to express myself more freely makes me feel strong! I’ve got the powah! BooYah!