The bullet has been bitten. I have now pretty much resigned from my job as Teacher of the Deaf. An email, very carefully and kindly worded, has been sent to my superiors. The official resignation form has been filled out, and will be turned in to Human Resources next week (next week, because I am car-less at present- it’s in the shop and should be drive-able soon).
I have been ‘camped at the precipice’ for nearly a month. I’ve been making this decision, then hesitating, then making the decision again, then hesitating, for quite a while. I had found out that if I’m not in an interpreter program going for a degree in interpreting, that only a few courses at the local community college would be open to me. I just got off the phone with an administrator in the interpreting program, who is going to meet with me to discuss my transcripts (which I have already) next week. At this point, I could perhaps audit classes, or transfer previous classes I’ve taken and delve into the program, and it sounds like it will be the latter choice. I’ve passed two exams in order to bypass two classes: ASL 1 and 2, and another exam which officially got me in to the interpreting program. I also already have my student number! It feels really _odd_ to be a student again, and also quite nice!
So, I’ve had a number of balls already rolling, I just needed the big one to budge, just to show me that I can indeed pursue this. It has budged and is starting to roll! Watch out world!
For me, it’s best if my brain matches my gut and my heart, and if it doesn’t, it’s very difficult for me to justify making a huge change like this. My brain also needs to be on board! I needed to know that working towards my goal would be feasible. I also needed to know that I would have enough money to live on and take classes, and I have figured out that, yes, I can do this.
I’ve analyzed my finances, which was good to do, no matter what. I’ve figured out ways to save more money, and am following a pretty tight budget right now. I aim to save considerably more by the end of my current paychecks in August. I have figured out that I can live on my savings AND pay for a complete interpreter program’s worth of credits, if I need to, and have money to spare. (Not much money to spare!) So if anyone’s worried about me, don’t be!
And the last thing I needed to satisfy my nitpicky brain was to know that, if I resigned, I would still get paid throughout the summer (I get my paychecks spread out over a year instead of only the school year), and I will not get blacklisted in my district if I wanted to apply for a teacher job in the future. This is according to the union rep I spoke to last month.
So, now that my worry-wart brain is satisfied with all of the angles of possible scenarios, I can also give even more credence to the spiritual messages that I’ve sought out, or that have sought me out. And there have been many!
The first message came around New Years, when Elfy Momma (my friend who I write with once a week) and MM – Massage Man (my now ex-boyfriend, though he was my boyfriend at the time) and I met to read cards for each other. One of them – I think it was MM- did a reading for me for my three decisions at that time: 1) continuing to work at what was my current position, 2) working at an elementary school and 3) interpreting. The first one got a message that it would have job stability. The second one said I would have to be creative at the job but other wise it would be the same old thing. The third one said I would have less money and I would feel free. And that reading has turned out to be very true for all three scenarios, although I no longer have choice number one.
The next spiritual message happened when I was at a ritual with my small spiritual group. We got together to send one of our members off to California and to do energy work for her. As we talked before we started, it became clear that ALL of us were going through a major change in our lives, not just the woman who is moving. One of the women there, Phunky Goddess (a friend of mine who makes awesome funky clothes and who loves Phish), led us in the meditation. It was her first time leading us.
In our meditation, she had us all meet together, then each take our own path with a basket. We were to gather things in our basket that we would share with each other later. As I started down my path, I was skipping and happy, and hearing the music of “April Fool’s Day” by S. J. Tucker. A frog jumped into my basket. I knew the frog was meant for me, but wasn’t sure what it meant just yet. I gathered some things for my friends who were meditating with me in the circle as well (to remain private). Then Phunky Goddess had us go to a clearing where there was drumming and dancing, and we danced together or hung out enjoying the drums, after which we shared each other’s items. At the end, she had us go back down the path to where we started.
As we each came out of our meditation, we told each other what our items were. As I shared about the frog, they said that, of course, I need to jump! It’s just now that I’m writing this, that I’m realizing that the song was perfect, too. ‘April Fool’s Day’ is about a ritual S.J. Tucker goes to, that celebrates The Fool. How fitting that the song in my meditation matches what I’m doing- jumping into the abyss like The Fool card!
After this, my friend that I write with, Elfy Momma, did this little finger pulling thing (some kind of psychic thing she does to get answers) and said I should get my EIPA (Educational Interpreter performance test) results back in July.
About a month ago, I had MM do an astrology reading for me about which scenario was best: continuing with the plan my job had for me – to switch to the oral Deaf Ed program in a hearing elementary school (oral: hard of hearing kids who speak and lip-read, and do not sign); or interpreting. His reading said that in September, I will experience someone at work trying to undermine me – working against me – and I would feel like I couldn’t tell anyone about it. He also said that I should be doing a Sagittarius type of job: to be a tour guide of sorts for others. He said interpreting is kind of like that, and is a “Sag” type of job. He also said that I would likely need to share assets (8th house), like to take out a loan or have a roommate. He also felt that I would get my results from the EIPA test in July (if I remember correctly).
The next message came when I tuned my mind to what my monkeys were doing, while I was driving to MM’s house last week. We were going to hang out a bit (we still do about once a week, even though we broke up). After hanging out with him, I was going to drive to my parents’ the next day. I was planning to tell them about my decision and was very nervous about doing this. (I ended up chickening out, but have dropped bits of information about what I’m doing here and there!)
We interrupt this rambling blog to explain about ‘my monkeys.’ Be warned, I’m about to let you know just how weird I am! Over the years, starting in about 2002 or so, I have come to believe that I have monkey spirits that hang around me. They are like spirit guides or totems, in a way. Other people have confirmed that they are there; it hasn’t just been me ‘imagining’ things. They have become a way for me to tune in to the psychic channel of my brain, and whenever I’ve asked them a question they have never been wrong. I’ve tuned in to what they’re doing from time to time. More about them in another blog for another day.
As I tuned my mind this time (while driving to MM’s house) to what my monkeys were doing, what one or two were doing was unusual. They were holding up my head. My sense was that they were ‘keeping my head up’ and giving me confidence. I thought what my monkeys were doing was cool and it confirmed that the spiritual-messaging part of my mind that they occupy is fully in support of my resigning and becoming an interpreter.
The most recent spiritual message came in a dream I had last week. Last Fall, a Special Ed teacher at “my” school (the one I worked at the last six years), resigned after about a month of school. She had met her love over the summer and was moving to be with him. She also knew she wanted to get away from our stressful job.
In the dream, she had parked sideways on my front lawn. She yelled out the window to “Come join me!” I ran out as she took off down the road. I chased her a bit, but she was too fast and her car was shrinking so I wouldn’t have fit in her car, anyway. I ran back to get into my own car, when I woke up. I think that clearly states I should do what she did: follow my gut and my bliss. The dream clinched it for me. (As if there haven’t been enough spiritual messages saying I should be doing this, right?)